It just occurred to me recently that my ex used to put me down in real subtle ways, probably not on purpose, but it still hurt. The only time I realized it was happening in the moment was this time where I had recently gotten into wearing a particular kind of shoe, and some certain articles of clothing. I said to my SO “Hey look, I’m kind of developing a style for myself”, and she just immediately shut me down and said that a shirt and jeans isn’t a style.

But as someone who’s not good at that sort of thing. You know, dressing myself in a way that suits me or that looks good, this was a cool step forward and she just said “nope, you’re not good enough”.

I don’t think she meant it like that, but it still kinda hurts me to this day. Even now, when I’m looking for clothes for myself, I just sort of think “who cares, it’s not like you’re going to look like anything worthwhile anyway”.

I’m not trying to paint her as the bad guy, by the way. I’m sure I said way worse stuff to her without realizing it. If you know me in real life, I can be really hard to talk to.